I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
