I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
