my vag is so smooth its legendary
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
