There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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