U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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