Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
