.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When are your genitals available?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
