Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
