Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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