the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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