please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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