Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
