It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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