Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
