literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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