i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
