I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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