..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
