respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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