just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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