Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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