I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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