I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
