once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
