I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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