in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
