i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
