I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
