You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
