Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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