were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
