Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
