Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
