Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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