Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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