i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize