DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
