I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
