Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
