im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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