I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
