He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
