Welp...herpes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
