there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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