I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
