He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cockslap morals
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
