ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
