I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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