Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
