You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
