It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
