I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
