dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
