Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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